


Clear the Air

by McBangle



Series: Agatha Finds It All Out [3]
Category: Carry On - Rainbow Rowell
Genre: Agatha in California, Angst and Humor, Bisexual Male Character, Bisexual Simon Snow, Dialogue Heavy, Ex-girlfriend to Friend, Gen, Simon is shite with technology, Tacos
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-13
Updated: 2016-06-13
Packaged: 2018-07-14 18:10:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,273
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7184738
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/McBangle/pseuds/McBangle
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Agatha and Simon have a video chat.</p>
<p>  <i>After a moment, realization dawns on Simon’s face. “You felt the same way about magic as you felt about dating me?”</i><br/> <br/><i>“Of course not!” Agatha retorts. “I liked dating you much more than I liked magic. At any rate, I still want to be friends with you, which is more than I can say for magic.”</i></p>
            </blockquote>





	Clear the Air

Agatha’s phone buzzes three times. She lets Lucy off her leash. Lucy gives a few happy yips, then runs off to explore the dog park. Agatha pulls her phone out of her pocket. Three texts from Simon.

_Hi Ags_  
_Its me Simon_  
_Simon Snow_

Agatha laughs. Same old Simon.

 

_I know it’s you, Simon_  
_I saved your number_  
_Baz taking a break from snogging you to catch his breath?_

_Haha  
But yeh, kinda_

Agatha takes a moment to think up a very witty and cosmopolitan response that would show that she’s the kind of cool ex-girlfriend who doesn’t mind texting with her ex about his new boyfriend. Before she can come up with something, her phone buzzes again.

_Wanna video caht sumtime?_

That’s unexpected.

_OK  
Now?_

_Erm maybe not  
Sumtime Baz isn’t around_

Agatha is not quite sure what to make of that.

_I’m seeing someone now, Simon_

_I am 2_  
_Its not like that_  
_Its personal_

Agatha considers this. There are probably some things she and Simon need to talk about.

_When?_

\--------------------- 

At the agreed-upon time, Agatha starts the video chat. After only two beeps, Simon’s face comes into view.

“Simon! You answered the video chat!”

Simon smiles sheepishly. “I practiced with Penny.”

Agatha takes a deep breath. It’s now or never.

“So you’re-” “How do you-”

They both laugh. “You first,” Simon offers.

“So,” Agatha starts again, “You and Baz?”

Simon blushes, rubbing his hand across the back of his neck. “Yeh, it’s… we’re… yeh.”

“You look happy.” Agatha smiles. “Are you happy?”

Simon beams. “I am, yeh. We both are, I think. Things are… really great right now.”

“It was a bit of a surprise to me at first, although I feel like I should have known,” Agatha admits.

“Why?” Simon asks. “It was a surprise for me at first, too.”

“Didn’t you… er-” Agatha clears her throat. “That is – when we were dating, did you really like me, or was it all just… you know…”

Simon looks affronted. “Of course I liked you, Ags, you were always one of the most important people in my life.”

Agatha shakes her head. “That’s not what I – Of course we were both important to each other, but that’s not what a couple is supposed to be to each other, is it? Not all they’re supposed to be. We dated for three years, but we weren’t ever really a couple, were we? It was more of… an obligation. What everyone expected of us. You were the Chosen One, and I was your princess. Your reward for saving us all.” She looks away and adjusts her hair. “I don’t know if any of this is making sense.”

Simon gapes at Agatha. “No. It doesn’t. It wasn’t an obligation for me. You weren’t some kind of reward. …Is that why you dated me?”

“Not… originally.” Agatha sees the hurt on Simon’s face and changes tacks. “Simon. I dated you because you were cute, and exciting, and funny, and the most interesting boy at Watford. And I _always_ cared about you, never doubt that, even after I broke up with you. But I also dated you because my parents expected me to. _Everyone_ expected me to. Because every year you saved us all, and you expected me to be your happily-ever-after. And back then, I was a girl who did what she was expected to do. But, Simon, we weren’t good together, were we? Do _you_ think we were good together?”

Simon looks down at his lap. “I… I dunno, Ags. I wanted to be a good boyfriend to you, and for a long time I thought we would be together forever, but now… I dunno. I guess we weren’t really good together.” He looks back at Agatha with a pained expression. “It was my fault. I didn’t really know how to be a good boyfriend then. I’m sorry, Agatha.”

“No Simon, don’t.” Agatha’s heart clenches. She’d never meant to hurt Simon. That wasn’t why she’d agreed to this chat at all. “Look, I did care about you, but I also… You know I had a crush on Baz pretty much the entire time we were dating, don’t you?”

Simon flushes. “Er, yeh, I guess I kinda did know.”

Agatha laughs. “And I know now that was _never_ going to happen, but… I loved you Simon, but, I think, not enough. And I don’t think you really loved me enough, the way boyfriends are supposed to love their girlfriends… or boyfriends, or whoever,” she finishes, hurriedly. “For a long time I thought I must be defective if I couldn’t really love you, because, Simon, you’re obviously amazing. But now I think it wasn’t really anyone’s fault. I just don’t think we were right for each other. As a couple. But I still want to be your friend, if you want to.”

“Of course I want to!” Simon smiles broadly, then a nervous look crosses his face. “Erm, Agatha, I… I _like_ Baz… I mean, _obviously_ , but also… when we were dating, I liked you too, in… that way. Don’t misunderstand! I’m not hitting on you now, I just… I don’t want you to think it was all pretend. Erm, everyone thinks I’m gay, now, and… I dunno, my therapist says I don’t have to figure it out right now, but… I like Baz, a _lot_ , but I did like you… in that way.”

Agatha flushes. “Erm, thanks. So you’re… bi?”

Simon shrugs. “I dunno. Maybe? My therapist says I don’t have to figure it out yet,” he repeats.

“So you’re seeing a therapist?” Agatha asks. “That’s good!” she adds, seeing the look of trepidation on Simon’s face. “That’s really good, Simon. I’m proud of you.”

“Yeh, actually, that’s, erm, why I wanted to chat with you.” Simon runs his hand through his hair, avoiding Agatha’s eyes. Agatha sits up, sensing a change in Simon’s mood.

“How do you–” Simon starts again. “How could you just– How did you give your magic away? How do you live without it?”

Agatha’s whole body sags. Her heart drops to the floor. “Oh _Simon_. I didn’t give it away. It’s still there. I just… don’t use it.” She winces at the hurt on Simon’s face. “If I could give it all to you, I would. I wish that I could, Simon.” The words rush out. “I _hate_ that I have magic that I don’t want while you don’t have magic and wish that you did.”

Simon squints, disbelieving. “You don’t want to be Magickal?”

Agatha shakes her head. “It was what my parents wanted for me, not what I want. No– it was what they wanted for themselves. I’m much more powerful than either of my parents. Neither of them have much power, you know. That’s why I’m an only child – did I ever tell you that? They were afraid that a sibling would dilute my magic.” She laughs bitterly. “I wish I did have a sibling. Or that I was a dud! If I hadn’t been powerful enough for Watford, then maybe I could have stayed in Normal school with Minty and the rest of my friends. I could have been Normal, instead of acting out the life my parents wished they’d lived.”

Simon shakes his own head. “I went to Normal school before Watford… I hated it. When I first found out I was Magickal… it was like everything suddenly made sense. Coming to Watford felt like a dream come true. Like finding my real home. And now it’s all gone. But Ags, I _had_ to give up my magic. But you… you chose to. I don’t understand. I have to... my therapist says that I won’t be able to move on until I confront you about how your life choices have impacted my mental state… or something like that.”

Agatha bristles. “Your therapist sounds like a real git,” she mutters.

Something shuts down in Simon’s face. _Oh bollocks_.

Agatha starts over. “I’m sorry, Simon. I’m sure your therapist is very smart. I’m sure she’s helping you. I was just lashing out.” She sighs. “I saw how much magic mattered to you and to Penny. But it was never like that for me. Do you remember when I was talking about obligations and doing what I was expected to do?”

Simon furrows his brow in confusion. Agatha cocks an eyebrow and leans forward, urging him on. After a moment, realization dawns on Simon’s face. “You felt the same way about magic as you felt about dating me?”

“Of course not!” Agatha retorts. “I liked dating you _much more_ than I liked magic. Dating you had certain… benefits.” Simon snickers at this, thankfully. “At any rate, I still want to be friends with you, which is more than I can say for magic.”

Simon looks dumbfounded. “Didn’t you _ever_ like magic?”

“Well… no.” Agatha admits. “I’m not like you and Penny. Maybe not like anyone we knew at Watford. Maybe I’m just not normal – or no, I’m not not-Normal enough for the World of Mages.” She crooks a smile. “I _liked_ my life before Watford, Simon. I missed it. I liked my Normal school, and my Normal friends. We had so much _fun_ together. Just hanging out, doing ordinary, fun things without all of the World of Mages drama about who hated who for centuries-old reasons that nobody even remembered anymore. And I couldn’t even tell them anything about Watford. Literally, Simon, I was incapable of telling them anything about it. My father spelled me mum.”

“…What did your father do to your mum?” Simon asks, screwing up his eyes.

“What? No. He put a spell on me so I literally couldn’t say anything to my friends about Watford,” Agatha explains. “I had to lie to them about practically everything in my life for the better part of eight years. Can you imagine having to hide practically everything about yourself from your closest friends? …What is it?” she asks, seeing an odd look on Simon’s face.

“Well, I…” Simon hesitates. “I kind of think your Normal friends weren’t the only ones you were hiding things from. We dated for three years, Ags. Why didn’t I know any of this?”

“I… you’re right,” Agatha allows. “I never told you, or Penny, or anyone how I really felt. I couldn’t… well, I thought I couldn’t. I was pretty sure there was something wrong with me, and I didn’t want you to know. Who ever heard of a magician who didn’t like magic? I thought I was the only one until I found out about Ebb and Lucy.”

“Your dog?” Simon asks.

Agatha laughs. “No, just a magician who walked away from the World of Mages, like I did, a long time ago. Nobody important, really, except that I didn’t even know that was an option until I heard about her. I thought I was just stuck with the World of Mages, whether I liked it or not. So there was no point in my telling anyone how I really felt.”

Simon looks thoughtful. “I’m sorry you couldn’t tell anyone how you felt, all those years. Though to be honest, I’m not sure that I would have understood, if you’d told me back then. I’m sorry for that, too.”

Agatha puts up a hand. “Don’t be. We were kids, and you had your own problems then – much bigger problems than mine.”

Simon protests, “That doesn’t mean that your problems weren’t important too. Even if we weren’t right for each other as a couple, I wish we could have been better friends to each other when we were younger.”

Agatha chest fills with warmth. “We still can be, now, if it’s not too late.”

Simon smiles. “I’d like that. So… you’re happy, then? In California? Being Normal?”

Agatha beams. “I’m _so_ happy. It’s like my whole life I was pretending to be someone I’m not but now I’m finally _myself_. I feel so _free_. I’m probably different than you remember me, now. I used to be so bloody irritated by everything all the time, but now I’m happy every day. I can’t remember ever having felt so happy before I moved to California.”

“What’s your life like now? What do you do?” Simon asks.

Agatha shrugs. “Go to class, go to the beach, go shopping. It’s just so blessedly Normal. I hang out with my friends, drink, get high, eat tacos. Have you had tacos, Simon? They are amazing. If you ever come out to California, I will take you out to a Mexican restaurant and we will eat tacos until we _explode_.”

Simon looks skeptical. “They can’t be as good as sour cherry scones.”

Agatha laughs. “I doubt I’d ever convince you anything was as good as sour cherry scones. But, California tacos are better than Watford roast beef.”

Simon scoffs. “Doubtful.” He yawns. “It’s getting late here, Ags, and I have an early morning class tomorrow.”

Agatha nods. “Yeah, actually all of this talk of tacos is making me at bit peckish. I think I’m going to get some dinner. But this has been nice, Simon, thanks for suggesting a chat.”

“This was nice, wasn’t it? And thanks again for, y’know, telling me about everything. Maybe we could chat again sometime?” he asks, hopefully.

“Of course, with or without Baz and Penny. And, Simon, I haven’t told you _everything_.” Agatha smiles facetiously. “A girl’s got to have her secrets. Maybe next time I’ll tell you about my secret Normal boyfriend who I dated before you.”

“Your… pardon?” Simon looks astonished.

“Next time, Simon!” Agatha promises gaily, just before hanging up.

_Fin._

**Author's Note:**

> This has not been beta'ed. Concrits and Brit-picks much appreciated!
> 
> I had originally planned to have Agatha and Simon hash out all of their issues over video chat, but that seemed... too convenient. At any rate, Simon has a licensed therapist and it was a bit too much to expect of Agatha. They both have issues to work out but hopefully clearing the air will be a step in the right direction for them both.


End file.
